7 Ways Overcoming Perfectionism Will Reduce the Stress in Your Life

When is a job well done? When are you satisfied with your own efforts?

Are you tempted to answer the question with “never, if I’m honest” ?

Then you may be a perfectionist.

Being a perfectionist means that you always feel a need to do more and do better.

It means that you attach a lot of importance to fulfilling what you determine are high standards, both your own and other people’s.

It also means that ordinary, everyday tasks can trigger a heightened stress response.Your anxiety then impacts the next task. Ironically, this level of constant stress often makes it more difficult to perform well. It also affects your relationships.

Overcoming perfectionism is the key to transforming your life.

Try these 7 ways to get started.

1. Forget ‘Always give 100%’

Whoever started saying this was a perfectionist. And whoever said this has a lot to answer for. It is simply not possible to give your all to each and every task in life.

Overcoming perfectionism starts with realistic assessment. What is most important? How much time do you have? What is your skill level?

Learn to prioritize. Many of the tasks in your life are not really worth giving 100% . Housework, commuting, admin tasks, clothes and entertainment don’t need to be perfect.

Save your 100%  effort for what really counts.

2. The art of compromise

Compromise implies that nobody gets 100%. But, both sides do  get enough of what they need. Apply this to your relationships, your work, and to expectations of yourself.

Become an ‘internal negotiator’ between your own perfectionism and your other needs. Take care not to set those impossibly ‘high standards’ again…

3. Free yourself from attachment to control

Perfectionism is about control. Control is not always bad.

If you have a skill, like graphics or coding or cooking, the more you control your medium, the more productive you will be.

You can chop those onions really fine.

But, cooking, for example, is also a dialogue between you and the medium you work in. Not all onions are the same. Sometimes, they will be difficult to work with. Sometimes, you will be difficult to work with.

Free yourself from the attachment to only one possible outcome. The world around you is not an enemy you need to control. It is a collaborator in your efforts.

4. Investigate your underlying fear of failure

Many perfectionists have a deep underlying fear of failure.

Try this thought experiment:

Think of a small task. Imagine what would happen if you did it really badly. In fact, what if you failed? Note your levels of anxiety as you think about this. Overcoming perfectionism will reduce this anxiety and revitalize your life.

Now imagine the worst case scenario. What would be the worst consequence of not doing this task well? There is probably a sliding scale of performance and consequences.

Don’t let your fear control you. You are free to choose how much you want to put into this task and what kinds of consequences you are willing to live with.

5. Perfectionism and self-worth

Ultimately, perfectionism is about self-worth.

Perfectionists tend to measure their own worth through their performance. They feel that they have to prove their worth to others and to themselves.

Sometimes, that can go very deep. Perfectionists may feel that they are not good enough and won’t be accepted if they don’t perform.

Overcoming perfectionism means overcoming that fear. A fear that often has its roots in childhood. You may want to seek the help of a professional counselor to explore the causes of your fears.

6. Know when to walk away

Not every task that is started needs to be finished. Again, this may be stressful to hear for a perfectionist.

But a realistic relationship with yourself and the world around you, means that you make decisions based on your own genuine needs. Don’t let any task, even your job, rule your life.

7. Embrace the concept of ‘good enough’

For example, new parents tend to have high levels of stress. Mostly related to performance anxiety of being a perfect mother or father. Babies pick up your stress and become distressed themselves.

The British psycho-analyst D W Winnicott, one of the originators of attachment theory, observed this phenomenon in many mothers he studied from the 1950s onwards. He developed the concept of being a ‘good enough’ mother.

Being ‘good enough’ means that you are present and active in fulfilling your baby’s needs. Attachment theory is now the main psychological approach to child development in the US. Winnicott praises ‘good enough’ parenting as the ‘love between two imperfect people’, parent and child.

Similarly, learn to live with and embrace imperfection in life. Overcoming perfectionism allows you to really live. Not just with less stress, but with more openness, freedom, and intention.